The not-so-timely Oscar post

I have been watching the Oscars since 1990, the year that Driving Miss Daisy and Field of Dreams were nominated for Best Picture. It was the first time I think I ever saw a movie (let alone two) that was up for an Academy Award, so I somehow convinced my mom that staying up to 1:00 in the morning on a school night to watch the Oscars was perfectally acceptable thing for a 12 year old boy to do. Ever since then I have watched every single minute of every telecast…until Sunday. Due to circumstances out of my control (more like circumstances that I hastily deemed out of my control, i.e. a screaming two year old in the house) I recorded the show and started watching it when it was almost over. I did see the first 30 minutes of it live and I thought Chris Rock did a good job with the monologue, but not a great job. I think he has/had the ability to be a lot funnier, but he wasn’t due to the restraints of the circumstances. Anyway, I watched the rest of the show zipping through commercials, various acceptance speeches, and the tribute to the dead folks segment. I probably watched the whole thing in about an hour. (By the way, the dead folks segment is the tackiest thing imaginable because they leave the audio from the auditorium on and you can hear people applaud the famous dead guys and sit quietly while they show the dead cinematographers and costume designers. I have always hated this and I have been happy to read in the past 4 or 5 years a lot of other people don’t like it either. I smell a petition.) I don’t really have anything to say about who actually won the awards. I stopped caring who won somewhere along the way, but here are some observations from the show:

The time cutting measures seem to have worked regardless of how unfair or tacky they may have seemed.

Can someone take the batteries out of Robin Williams? Please?!?! I know this could be an overwhelming thought, but could you imagine what would happen if they let him host one year? First of all, the first few rows would have to cover up like they were at a Gallagher concert because of the massive amount of flop sweat that man produces. (Have you seen one of his HBO specials? That man sweats more than a Bush twin that's a few days late. "Uh, daddy, I might be pregnant. I don't know it could be anybody's. It's hard to keep track. Remember your genes have genetically prediposed me to alcoholism and that's really the reason for all of this. Daddy, you aren't mad are you? And daddy, I think there might have been a photographer watching me leave the drugstore with an EPT in hand. Uh, daddy? Swear you aren't mad at me, please!") Secondly, the show is so long he would almost have to come up with some new material. It might actually be worth it.

I thought the tribute to Johnny Carson was really stale. There had to be some funny moments that happened the years he hosted, why didn't they show any of those?

Wow! That Counting Crows guy still has the same hair style from when they were really popular. That's just precious.

Man, Jeremy Irons is really funny. Maybe he could host one year.

The guy that won Best Song has given me an idea. None of the nominated songs should be performed, then when the award is presented the person who wins gets to have their song performed by the artists of their choice or they could sing it themselves. I'm thinking nobody is picking Antonio Banderas to sing for them. They probably wouldn't pick Beyonce either and that's kind of a shame. I don't really want to hear Beyonce sing, but it's nice just to have her there.

Who would have guessed Sean Penn doesn't have a sense of humor?

And finally Martin Scorsese loses again. I guess he's just that guy that's destined to be, what's that phrase, always a bridesmaid never a Best Director? I leave you with this: Mean Streets, Alice Doesn't Live Here Anymore, Taxi Driver, The Last Waltz, Raging Bull, The King of Comedy, The Last Temptation of Christ, GoodFellas, Cape Fear, Casino, Bringing Out the Dead, and Gangs of New York.